November 2018 is a memorable month. Unlike the other Novembers, this particular one is so special it made me tear and reflect much.
You see, the girl graduated from kindy and celebrated her sixth birthday, all in the same month. It was a milestone, no doubt, because she would be entering into another phase of her life…and so would I.
Where have all those years gone, I wonder? I could still remember the day I held her in my arms for the very first time, the wonderful playdates we had when she was a toddler, her first day in school, her first (Chinese) church camp at 3YO, her first time meeting her brother, our mother-daughter bonding trip…
With that, I have also been a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) for six years. Unbelievable. It’s possible, all by the grace of God.
I remember the great struggle I had when I had to decide between being a working mom and a SAHM. I couldn’t imagine myself to be a SAHM. I mean, I enjoy the outdoors, love my job (teaching) and the meaning it brings to my life. After all, teaching is a calling. Why pluck me out from it?
Then I was asked, “What is God asking you to do in this season of your life?”
I obeyed the call, albeit unwillingly, and began my SAHM journey.
It was lonely, extremely lonely, in the beginning. I was facing the four walls daily and being a new mom, I was afraid to head out because I wasn’t confident of managing that little human being on my own. I turned to moms’ blogs a lot for encouragement and survival and that was when I started to open my blog to the public, to track my own motherhood journey, to share insights and perhaps to encourage other moms.
Looking back, these past six years have been nothing but adventurous and life-changing, if I may add. I have taken up cake decorating courses and baked cakes for a small profit. I did a short teaching stint on baking and cake decorating until I realised I was pregnant with #2. Things started looking grim when I had to deal with two kids and I started withdrawing into my own world. It wasn’t until I started teaching Faith that my life started to look up.
I love teaching. I really do. I remember the hubs assuring me, “You can teach our kids even though you may not be teaching in schools anymore.”
I did just that. I enrolled myself in an online Montessori course and started teaching the girl. Teaching made me alive and my mind was filled with tons of ideas every single day. There were good days and there were bad ones but overall, it was fun and fulfilling.
There were challenges of course, tons of them. Dealing with the kids’ tantrums, instructing their hearts, chauffeuring the kids from point A to B to C, household chores, loneliness and solo-parenting days when the hubs has to be away for meetings at night and weekend, just to name a few.
However it was through those circumstances that I grew and learnt more about my own selfishness as a wife and mom. The Lord revealed the ugliness in me and yet showed me His grace and love towards me each time I repented.
I wasn’t really alone in this journey; He has always been there with me! He caused me to see things from another perspective through my husband. He sent me wonderful ladies to encourage and speak into my life. He lifted me up when I was spiritually down. He led me into a ministry that I enjoyed serving. He gave me purpose in what I was doing.
And I should be thankful, that He sent Faith into my life. A sensible and mature girl for her age, she has helped me with taking care of her brother, for instance. God has used her to make me a better person and for that, I’m immensely grateful.
The first six years are tiring and demanding because these children need you for many aspects of their lives but they are also very short years. Before you know it, those little hands which longed to be held by you would want to break free.
Treasure those early years.