All by myself

The confinement lady’s gone.
The hubs’ back to work.
Mom’s no longer helping to do grocery, unless asked to.
After four full-month celebrations for Faith, I’m officially on my own now.

Each day sees myself going through the same routine with the day starting at 5am which is the time for Faith’s feed. Now, she is able to latch on more than she is comfortable with the teat. Thankfully, she is able to adapt to both which makes weaning off breastfeeding easier when that day approaches.

IMG_1851 Each day passes quickly. There is very little opportunity for real rest. Being a light sleeper and a clingy baby, she wakes up every 15 minutes in her cot and cries, not loudly but pathetically. She gives the most innocent and hurtful expression that it is impossible not to pick her up. Perhaps the mattress is hard. She prefers our bed (and she sleeps well without having to swaddle her). Or perhaps it’s because I’m around and she senses my presence. I don’t know. I’m hoping it’s because of the mattress. But thankfully, she is able to stay in her cot when the night falls or else we would have to share the bed with her.

Bathing her gets easier when I gain more confidence. Impatience arises when I have to wait for her to wake up to have a little milk before resting a while and then cleaning her. Thereafter, it’s more soothing before I can get to wash her clothes and then clean the floor.

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And then it’s lunch time which I have to prepare quickly before she wakes up. To make a quick lunch, preparation has to be made in the night time when the hubs return from work to be with Faith. No elaborated meal but it’s essential that I have a nutritious one since what I eat will eventually pass on to Faith. Today is baked salmon belly with spaghetti in marinara sauce.

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Other times, I’ve been trying to learn how to use the baby sling without much success. I felt quite sorry for Faith who has to endure the poor skills of her mother. Thankfully, at this stage she is still very flexible and will not even whimper whichever position I place her in the sling. But seriously, how does one use the ring sling and the Baba sling? I’ve both, thanks to friends who pass on to me but I can’t/don’t know how to use them!

So, such a life is a continuation of the confinement month, just a bit tougher, with no helper. I look forward to weekends, that I can go out with the hubs. I think I need to learn to go out on my own with Faith and to be daring enough to breastfeed in public. If not, I will be ‘imprisoned’ by my own fears.

It can be tiring, being on my own. But when I gaze at the cutie face of Faith, all exhaustion and boredom fade. It’s worth it.

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Welcome to motherhood, Lynn.

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