I must confess, I had not really enjoyed the marriage class that we are currently attending. I had initially thought that there would be great learning from couples married for various number of years. The class size is big and hence little interaction. The organisers knew this and had since changed the format in which it is conducted; they organised us into mini groups to enhance discussion. Despite that, I still find it a dread to attend.
The main reason being that the readings are largely theoretical and I’m one who very much prefer straight-forward writings which can also translate into applications easily.
The hubs, who could readily tell that I didn’t enjoy the class inquired of my reluctance. My reason to him was ‘I could not understand the writings and what the people are talking.’
So, the good hubs decided to help me by breaking up the readings for me and then discussing the contents together which definitely helped me… for the first few hours.
However, since last week, the lesson turned for the better. The second part of the session is all about practical applications. Hooray! Even the contents in the book are about that and it means easier comprehension!
And this week’s readings is about truthfulness and dependability which the author describes to be adjectival nouns at first glance but in fact, they are jobs and have a very definite effect on the relationship. When this task is conscientiously accomplished, it produces in each of us the dear and necessary fruit of trust.
Where truthfulness is concerned, we are talking about our speech to our partners. It means that we do not lie (that’s very obvious), do not neglect to express the essential events of the day spent apart from the partner (so that we will continue to know what’s going in the day), make sure that that you get the contents of your topic right to your partner exactly the way you want him to understand (tough!) and that we do not attack when the topic is specifically about our partner.
Oh gosh! This is a tough job! It means choosing your words carefully so that it rightly expresses what you mean. It means not being lazy and keeping quiet upon returning home after a long day at work. It definitely means going through the words over and over again in your mind and asking yourself if what you are about to speak truly stems from love for him/her.
It is tough but once we are able to do this well, we can trust what our partners tell us and such trust produces security and it in turn, produces peace.
Dependability is truthfulness in action – in your actions. It simply means to me that my partner honours his promises, whether spoken or unspoken, that he will fulfil anticipation, vice versa.
After reading this chapter, the hubs came up to me and asked me if he has been dependable. It is commendable that he usually does what he promises, except on occasions that he forgets (I think he’s really getting old!). I, on the other hand, am a frequent promise-breaker which he graciously thinks of me as being fickle-minded (I don’t know which term is worse). But as I told him, I have high expectations from him based on the first poem he wrote to me which stole my heart too. There’s a few but BIG promises in it and not seeing him work at any one of them would deeply smash my fragile heart. I mean, wouldn’t anyone? Especially you, ladies?
I continued that, a person who can be trusted with small things can be trusted with big ones. Faithful with little, faithful with much. In my conversation, I reminisced the time when we were so regular in our jogging and would love to see ourselves continuing to do that in the name of healthy lifestyle.
Since then, he has been the one asking me when to jog and getting himself ready, all dressed appropriately even before the prescribed time.
Ah…how I love the second part of this book now.