So, I did my own little mini research as to why people have kids. The reasons vary (as expected) but these are the common ones, to name a few:
– Continue their family name
– To leave behind a legacy
– It’s the next step after a job, car, marriage and a house
– To be wonderful parents to their children, just like the way they were brought up
To sum it up, I quite like how one reader responded (which makes me laugh too) to a similar kind of question posted in the internet.
#1 Most people have kids for no real reason that they are aware of. Either they have them because they were too lazy to use contraception, or they have them because they never considered that NOT having them was a socially acceptable option. In short, they can’t help having kids.
#2 Those who have kids intentionally for a known reason, have stupid reasons. They have kids when there is a lull in their marriage, or they have them to please their parents, or to feel important and accepted when their best friends have been breeding.
#3 What I believe is a very small fraction of parents do have a certain profoundly deep love which bears fruit. They can look at each other and just know with certainty that they want to raise kids together. It’s an emotional and physical and spiritual instinct, an intuition which can only be described or observed but not explained.
Of all the couples I have known, perhaps only three or four might be in category #3 above. I have never felt the instinct myself, but I have observed it and know that it exists. My parents did have it.
You won’t get a good answer to your question because:
A: There are very few people in category #3 above, and…
B: Those who are in category #3 above, and who have a real and profound reason to have kids, will not be able to articulate that reason to someone else who does not share the instinct.
Obviously, there are also many out there who don’t want to have any kids but that is not in the purview of what I’m writing so let’s just give this a miss.
The hubs, after reading my post asked, “So, why do you want to have kids?” Frankly, I don’t know how to tell him. I struggled and blurted out some reasons which I wasn’t even convinced and in the end, just shrugged it off. I finally got the reply in my mind during this morning’s women’s BS.
They are God’s gifts to you.
I know this doesn’t really answer the question adequately but there is much to explore from here.
I am convicted of this because I know I cannot control life. I’m not even sure at this point if I could conceive. If God’s willing and that we will have children, that is a privilege because in my opinion, He has entrusted a life to us. The children are not ours, they are His. Having this thought will totally affect the way we bring up the kids. We are not to lord over them but to raise them in the ways of the Lord and to give our very best to them, just as He has given us His everything.
I know it is not easy bringing up children. I don’t think I’m ignorant of what’s involved. I think a lot about my parents (my mom esp) and the decisions they made in bringing us up. In school, I observed my kids and could see some correlations between their behaviour and how they were brought up. I’m not in any position to judge anyone and feel there is no right or wrong answer to being a working mom or a SAHM. It all depends on the circumstances that the family is in and only they know best.
As for Ken and I, we both agree that the children are our responsibilities and we have to be the ones taking care of them and that means having one of us to stay at home. It helps greatly that my mom is a hands-off grandma and does not want to take care of her grandchildren. This makes it easier not to rely on any close family members to take care of the children. Nannies or childcare centre or domestic helper (I can’t even say I welcome that idea!) are no-nos since they might impart different values to our children.
So, the decision is clear for us. We need to adjust our lifestyle because of this possible addition in our lives and we have already started doing that. I’m quite blessed to be able to get hold of the book that I mentioned in my previous entry and I think the hubs and I have gone on to some good headstart!