Part I:Would you be a stay-at-home mom?

The hubs was concerned. Is anything bothering you? You wanna talk about it?

I shook my head. Truth is, I’m not sure how to put it across. My mind is working incessantly (for a few days already)…after I realised that I might really, eventually, be a stay-at-home mom.

By the way, I’m not pregnant.

Just that, it’s an issue that keeps coming back to me. I thought I have accepted that idea but that’s only an idea. What if it really happens? Will I really, honestly, really embrace that status?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not adverse to that idea but I’m not welcoming it with arms wide open. Ken and I had talked about it even before we did the exchange “I do, for better or for worse” but the reality of it has not hit home.

I asked myself why I hold some resistance to it. I need to know why and for the past few days, I did some soul-searching.

I don’t think it is an easy decision for many women out there. There are obviously women in this planet earth whose ambition in life is to be a desperate housewife (and therefore being a stay-at-home mom is a natural progression) and that is really a high calling but there are also many out there who find it a struggle to decide between career and kids when the latter are added to the family unit. I belong to the second group of women.

Perhaps, the resistance has to do with my goals in life. Among them is the desire to teach at the tertiary level – teachers for that matter. I didn’t walk the path of many teachers out there. I did a slight detour.  I decided to be a teacher after I met the Lord and upon realising that that was my calling. I wanted to do well in it and had my paths laid out before me. I would get my master degree after 2 years of teaching and then subsequently do a PhD. I wanted to gain as much experience as possible as a teacher, and one in the middle management before I go over to the teaching college. When the offer to work in HQ was given, I took it up as a means of getting more experience so that I could share with my trainee teachers in future.

So, I fulfilled what I have planned out to do thus far (just short of getting myself involved in getting a PhD) until I met the love of my life.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” ~ Proverbs 16:9

Isn’t it true? We definitely can plan but it may not be His idea after all or maybe it’s not the right timing. And I have to remember it’s no longer I. It’s we as a family.

I finally shared the above thoughts with the hubs and his reply was fair enough. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean you have to give up your passions. You could still do a PhD? But let’s be realistic too. Having two babies concurrently is a stretch of your sanity and a HUGE investment of your time, energy and finances and I’m not sure if I’m capable of such adventures. There is definitely the possibility of going back to work or studying in the later years or perhaps the skills that I have, the knowledge I have gained could be chanelled into teaching our kiddos?

These are just my initial thought. I already felt a tinge of selfishness in me. My concerns seem to revolve around ME, ME, ME and very little for the family. But I’m thankful that I come clean with myself, to identify the barriers to being a SAH mom. There are obviously more and to name one big issue – finance.

* Obviously, some of you might think that it is too early to talk about such matters since we are not planning for any child currently. But it’s really important to talk it through with your partner and to see the kinds of changes (be it mentally, financially, etc)  you might have to make for the arrival of the lil’ ones in the near future, God willing.

8 thoughts on “Part I:Would you be a stay-at-home mom?

    • Definitely. Each family is unique and its situation too.
      But there are definitely same threads of thoughts running through them when the decision has to be made.

  1. It’s all about sacrifices. And giving up on your goals and ambitions is just one of the many. If you’re not totally convinced, dun take the plunge. Like I shared with you before, I do wonder sometimes about the value of my life (only at times when I hit a low patch and get complainsome). It all seems so trivial as compared to my peers. But when I talk to them and listen to their woes, I find their life so superficial. For at the end of the day, which is easier to lose? Your job or your family? Which one is your gift from God? Your kids or your position? I’m not taking sides in any of these questions cos we are all meant to do different things in life. Only God will tell. So pray. I got my calling; and I hope you find yours too. As for finances, trust that the Lord will provide. If even missionaries can raise children out of the very little they have, then trust me. You can survive on Ken’s pay alone. It’s a matter of what you want and how you make use of the resources that God has given you. Being a mother is no longer about ME and it’s great that you have already identified that as one of the possible challenges for you (possible cos parenthood may not be what God has in store for you…so then that’s not a challenge). But if you want kids, then you have to die to self. Seriously! You even have to sacrifice your shitting time and end up getting permanent constipation. Trust me. Think long and hard about it and discuss with Ken cos it’s his family too. He may be a nice guy and leave the decision to you. But you have to get to the bottom of what he really wants; beneath his obvious consideration for you. If you do decide to go down that path, believe you me, there will be days when you miss work and question the wisdom of your move. For me, Dallen puts everything back into perspective. What about you? As my parish priest will say, the choice is yours.

    • Yo..thanks for sharing.

      Ken and I talked about this before we got married and we have already decided that one parent has to stay at home and that has never changed.

      I’m writing because the struggles for me is real and I know there are many women out there having the same experiences. That does not mean that I will not be a SAHM. I see this as a journey of self-discovery and being in partnership with God. Children are gifts from God and if I have the privilege of having one, I just have to adjust my life a bit. Sacrifice is too big a word to use on myself which in my opinion, only God deserves that term. If we only know the extent of his love for all of us, what I’m doing is really nothing.

      Thanks for sharing though. It’s good to see you experiencing all these and indeed it’s a joy. I just had a lot of thoughts both from how we were brought up and how I see the different kids in school react because of their backgrounds. Of course, the struggles we face as would-be parents are real but I find it really adventurous to be in it with Him.

      But hey, keep sharing! =)

  2. Pingback: I’m a SAHM now. |

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