The Oneness

I made my way to the ESL class with the hubs who insisted that he accompanies me so that I won’t fall again (Italics my thought). So, this guardian angel spent his morning waiting for me while I taught the class.

It was not a great lesson, I know. After all, I didn’t really know the students and need to assess their English level through this class. But I left the class with a few thoughts about my teaching.

1) I need to speak slower.
2) I need to give short instructions, ONE at a time.
3) I need to cater to the varying levels of my students and thus design different tasks for them according to their goals in coming to the class.

I was greeted with a smiling husband at the waiting hall before we had our lunch and an unsuccessful attempt at getting an appointment with a doctor. It’s not as easy as back home.

I was reminded though of the marriage class we had on Sunday and decided to pen down a few thoughts and notes here. The topic discussed was ‘How shall we live together?’ since we are now united as one. But what do we mean by One?

“One” may mean: “We are exactly alike.” Is this even possible? I’m not quite sure. Perhaps, couples could achieve that when they strain to duplicate each other, and then suffer the persistent differences or else repress them.

“One” could also mean this: one of the partners has taken control of the marriage, and that one will dominate the other. The second will have become silent or submissive or extinct. But this isn’t oneness; this is one alone.

“One” may mean: “We have a 50-50 marriage, half and half”. But mutuality is accomplished by two whole persons; and if each partner truly intends to be but the fraction of a relationship, he/she will soon discover that these halves do not fit perfectly together.

The fourth definition is what both Ken and I want to subscribe to – that there are three complete beings in a marriage – Ken and I and the relationship between us, which both of us serve, which benefits each of us but which is not exactly like either one of us. This relationship is itself very much like a living being – like a baby born from us both and that it has its own character. It enters into existence infantile, when you speak vows to each other. It comes cuddly and lovely, but very weak and in need of care and nourishment. As time goes on, as this baby-relationship grows up, it becomes stronger and stronger until it serves and protects you in return.

Nourish this oneness then and this is real work of mutuality. This brings your various lifestyles into harmony (without cancelling either one, without a forced similitude): that you have realised a common purpose together; that you are both committed to the nurturing, not of oneself and not of one’s partner, but of this third being, the Relationship; and that together you seek the wisest ways to do so – and you do them.

Reference: As for me and my house by Walter Wangerin, Jr.


2 thoughts on “The Oneness

  1. Unfortunately, I cannot be by your side every moment of every day.
    So I must trust God, and trust you to take care of yourself.

    Accompanying you was just a way to make sure you don’t carry anything too heavy while you’re recovering… =D

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