I wept and then smiled =)

Today’s BS was on trials and temptations with more sharing from the sisters on their fears ranging from their husbands leaving them to the safety of their kids, even unborn ones. It’s true, isn’t it, ladies, that we are constantly gripped by fear and the unknown and the thing is, we entertained such thoughts, thoughts that might not even be realised in the first place.

I left the group, feeling a bit downcast. It was raining and I didn’t like it. The nose was still running non-stop; this morning, it was like waterfall. I wanted to explore Beacon Hill but the wind was blowing so strongly that I decided to cut it short and head to Marshalls to purchase the pair of Italian boots.

I was at the junction, waiting for the traffic light to turn green and before I knew it, a car sped by and I was splashed by those murky pool of water that was about a yard away from me. Blistering Barnacles and Thundering Typhoons! I was almost in a similar situation as Carrie in SATC, except that hers was worst.

I didn’t feel good. There I was, cold and hungry in this rainy weather. My windbreaker, jeans and bag were wet. I felt desolate and all the thoughts came to me. Why did I give up my work to come here? I don’t have many friends here and why did I leave them to come here?! Why did you bring me out of my comfort zone?! I look so frumpy and I can’t buy nice clothes because I am not working anymore! This is just terrible!

I swear that I would have cried out if not for the fact that I was outside and people would cast their curious looks at me or even pitied me. No! I don’t want anyone to pity me! I brought this upon myself! And as I walked on, bearing those nasty thoughts, I came across some glass panels which stated DISCOUNTS! 50% off shoes! UGG….and I went into the shop. I wanted to buy those Phua Chu Kang boots because I actually stepped into a puddle of water while going to class earlier in the morning and since it has been raining, I thought I could invest in one (this is cock-eyed Lynn or blur one, some would say).

You know what? Besides those PCK shoes, a pair of dark brown boots caught my eyes. It was a GEOX boots and the price was so reasonable. It was at that price because it was the last pair and the shop would normally slashed the prices ridicously low. I tried them on and….they fit perfectly and they were so comfortable too, more comfortable than the other two pairs I have tried over the weekends!

So I left the shop, with two pairs of boots in my hands, with the total cost less than the one pair of Italian boots. Moments after I left the shop, a small, still voice said to me, “My child, I love you.”

I wept.

God is funny. God is loving. He showed His love for me even through simple things like this. In my down moments, He’s there for me. He’s always there. You know, as a non-Christian or even as a young Christian, when people told me about John 3:16 [ For God so loved the world, He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life], I wouldn’t understand what’s the big deal about it. It’s…erm…just a verse in the Bible.

But growing into a relationship with God, it’s BIG deal. You have an Almighty who loves you, who cares A LOT about you. YOu would not understand the big deal about it until you realise the existence of God and how incredulous it is that this Being loves you and will not forsake you, you who are nothing.

I came back home, with the hubs coming out, with CONCERN written all over his face (I’ve text him about the big splash). I poured out, like a little child and being comforted by him. How could I have indulged in self-pity? How could I have belittled myself and despised the situation I was in?

In my self-pity, I have forgotten that I have a wonderful husband who loves me and wants the best for me, a best friend and a protector who is always there for me and allows me to grow and blossom in all areas of my interests (and in the first place, he didn’t even restrict my purchase of anything; it’s my self-imposed rules). In indulging in my ‘awful’ situation, I have forgotten that I have been given the privilege to settle in Boston, just so that I could take a break from work and to learn how to rest. I have forgotten that all these are the blessings that God has given. And how could I?

I am at peace now. Because I remember I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I am precious in His eyes.


Initially, I wanted to buy ‘loud’ colours but thinking that I would be bringing back home to wear during rainy days, it’s better not to be so ostentatious.

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