What it feels like implementing change you don’t believe in

By Ken Quek

What does it feel like trying to implement a change you might not fully understand or believe?
Ronald Laing, psychiatrist gives his thoughts from 40 years ago.
Knots by R.D. Laing, 1970

There is something I don’t know
that I am supposed to know.
I don’t know what it is I don’t know,
and yet am supposed to know,
And I feel I look stupid
if I seem both not to know it
and not to know what it is I don’t know.
Therefore, I pretend I know it.
This is nerve-wracking since I don’t
know what I must pretend to know.
Therefore, I pretend I know everything.


It’s 38 days more to Marathon and I’m falling sick. I have not been running for a week already and this is freaking me out. I can’t fall sick at this time. NOOOOOOoooo!

Gone to be slaughtered…

…and I came out alive. Phew!

Today was the fourth and last lesson of the course that the hubs signed me up for. It was really dramatic and traumatic for me. I’m glad it’s over but at the same time thankful that I went through the course.

During the first lesson, we were taught some moves and I took it gladly as a form of exercise, just like kickboxing! As the lesson progressed, we were told that there would be simulation and I was filled with fear. However, I thought it would be good to go through it and to apply all that we have learnt and well, it is one of those classes that you are given the licence to HIT THOSE BALLS! Oh yeah!

It was terrifying, no doubt. There were 3 sets of simulation that we needed to go through. The first one was all right, just using one of the strategies. But for the second and third set, I was petrified. I mean, I am only a petite Asian girl facing 3 burly men who were taller than me by slightly more than a head and their sizes? Double of mine! Psychologically, it didn’t really help. When I got out of the room during the second set, I was gasping for air. I was light-headed and was not sure if I could pass out. Thankfully, there were trained nurses around who tended to me and I was all set for the last one. I really wouldn’t want to give it a miss!

All the girls  made it. We were shown how we reacted through the video (we were taped throughout the process) and I thought I used my kicks well! I don’t think it was hard but they were repetitive (Ken said cos I run with high cadence and thus it was reflected in this class too. Hahah). Oh! During one of the sets, the man just lifted me up in the air without much effort! Damn!

I’m glad it was over but I was thankful that I attended. It has, at the very least, raised awareness on how we could react if we were attacked. In the afternoon, while on the T, there was this huge man who was sitting opposite and he was (I think) trying to get my attention by making a lot of remarks (which I couldn’t understand at all!). Then, he came over and sit in front of me with his side facing me! I was terrified! But at the same time, I was already practising in my mind the moves that I would make and was also ready to shout “GET BACK” should he attack. The lessons have indeed given me enough confidence to face such an adversary.

So, ladies, if you have the opportunity, go for the course. BTW, it is the RAD course I’m referring to.